How much time and energy have you wasted on trying to help someone, only to have them keep doing whatever they’ve always done?

How much of yourself have you poured into trying to get someone to see things from your perspective, only to have them remain blind to what seems obvious to you?

How much have you struggled to assist another person by showing them a ‘better’ way of being, only to have them blatantly ignore or defy you?

Parents and spouses know what I’m talking about. So do many teachers and employers.

The truth is you had better be one heck of a salesperson if you want to change or ‘improve’ another person into showing up the way you think they should. You need an in-depth understanding of values systems, great listening skills, tools to help them link your values to theirs and an inordinate amount of patience.

Even with all that, there is no guarantee that they will grow into the person you want them to be.

There is a better way.

Change the way you’re judging them.

Change the story you’re telling yourself about who they are, who they could or should be, how they’re impacting your life and how they need to improve in order for you to really appreciate them for being who they are.

Do your own work of appreciating them right now, as they are. Find the gifts in their so-called flaws. Identify the benefits in what you have been judging as drawbacks. Acknowledge the positives in what they bring to your life along with the negatives. See them for ALL of who they are, not just the narrowed down, good or bad mirage of a person you’ve been telling yourself they are.

I’ve seen it over and over. When you appreciate someone for being exactly who they are, they turn into exactly who you appreciate.

You do not have relationships with other people. You have relationships with the stories you’re telling yourself about those people.

Change your story and I guarantee your relationships will change.