We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worthy of listening to, worthy of our trust and sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” e.e cummings
Hello!
Thank you so much for being the kind of person who values being a good listener and conversationalist. You are a gift in our noisy, emotionally charged and stress-out world. I mean that sincerely.
In my private practice I work with thoughtful men and women from all over the world who want to be the best leaders, parents, partners and influencers they can be.
They know the value of great relationships, at home and work, and they strive to have high level, meaningful interactions with others.
The quality of our relationships depends on the quality of our conversations.
Conversations are the bridges that connect us. We all need conversations that make us feel FELT and appreciated for being who we are. To thrive we require conversations that uplift us, empower us, and make us believe in ourselves. We blossom when we have conversations that bring out the best in us and make us whole.
These are what I call Catalytic Conversations™️
In a Catalytic Conversation™️ the mindful listener catalyzes positive change in the other without losing any of themselves in the process.
This requires certain things of the listener:
- Self-awareness and self-love: knowing one’s boundaries and holding them
- Emotional Maturity: the ability to self-regulate and stay present, plus the willingness to put one’s (often well-meaning) ego aside for the benefit of the other.
- Skills: Knowing WHAT to say and WHEN to say
The first two above arise as the result of effective in-depth personal development work. Guiding people in this work is my true calling. That said, skills training to be a more mindful listener can go a long way in deepening and improving many relationships. What follows is a simple outline of the four components of Mindful Listening for Catalytic Conversations. You can get more hands-on training in a multi-week program if you choose. That said, I hope this is a helpful start.
XO
Jolina
Mindful Listening for Catalytic Conversations™️
1. REFLECT (just the facts ma’am)
What I’m hearing you say is … (use their words). Did I get that?
If I’m hearing you correctly you said …(use their words). Is that correct?
Let me make sure I’m following. You said …….(use their words). Right?
2. EMPATHIZE (acknowledge the feelings. Do not skip this step)
How did that make you feel? Or What was that like for you?
I imagine that felt (name emotion: eg scary, frustrating, infuriating) … Did it?
You must have felt (name emotion eg scary, frustrating, infuriating) Did you?
Or
I’m noticing that …. (describe your physical sensations – eg my heart is racing, my shoulders are tensing, I’m holding my breath …etc) and I’m feeling ….(name emotion – afraid, confused, overwhelmed etc) … ASK: Is this what you’re feeling to? (Or, what’s going on for you?)
3. VALIDATE (show that you get it. Really. Sincerity is key)
It makes sense to me that you feel …(emotion) because …..
If that had happened to me I think I would also have felt …(emotion).
Looking at it from your perspective I understand why you felt ….(emotion).
4. REDIRECT (in space and time)
What can you do to help yourself to feel different / ok / better ….in the future?
What actions can you take to make yourself feel (what they want to feel)?
What do you want or need from me or others?
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