What makes conflict scary is the mistaken belief that the other person – that thing out there – is the source of your anger.
Have you ever been blamed for making someone angry? Have you been attacked, criticized, tongue-lashed or dumped …for ‘making’ someone feel something they didn’t like? Were you really responsible for their feelings? No!
Have you ever blamed others for making you angry? Have you ever attacked, criticized, tongue-lashed or dumped someone ….for ‘making’ you feel something you didn’t like? Probably.
Here’s the thing: No one is ever responsible for your anger. No one makes you feel angry. Or happy. Or sad, for that matter.
No one is ever to blame for any of your experiences.
You, and you alone, are the cause and effect of every one of them …. as they are the cause and effect of theirs.
What makes conflict scary is that without this understanding, and an education in how to take 100% responsibility for our experiences, we blame. We make others responsible for our feelings, and we turn the full force of our energy on them, trying to make them change, go away or be punished. War ensues.
Blaming others for feelings we don’t want to feel keeps us in a revolving spiral of non-growth, repetitive behavior and juvenile thinking.
Recognizing that you are the creator of your emotional-experiences, and then using your reaction as feedback on how well you are doing at authentically living your purpose and valuing all aspects of yourself will move you further along the evolutionary path towards freedom, love and fulfillment.
Conflict doesn’t happen to you. It happens for you. Thank it.