“All my failures can be traced to my silence.” These words, in a post by Danielle LaPorte, triggered a montage of silence-induced-failure memories. My first marriage: how many times had I simply shut up while he ranted? The job I was fired from: how many nights had I secretly cried because I felt overwhelmed but… Read More My Failures, My Silence
Anger is not the problem. One’s beliefs about the cause of anger are the problem.
Ignorant believes: ‘YOU are making me angry. YOU are the problem.’ Then she attacks. ‘YOU need to change, go away or die!’
Better Educated knows: ‘I am the cause of my anger.’ She asks: ‘ What is this saying about me: my… Read More Anger is not the problem
It occurs to me that I have never written you a father/son type letter and maybe I should. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s the imminent prospect of painting the high facia boards and falling off the roof… Or maybe it’s an urge to write down my own philosophy of life since we Walmsleys… Read More Dad’s letter to my brother
“Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come
Tis grace that brought me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home” – Amazing Grace
Growing up in Africa, where conflict and strife between people were impossible to avoid, I wondered: what will it take for us to see our shared humanity, break down the barriers between… Read More Amazing Grace
What makes conflict scary is the mistaken belief that the other person – that thing out there – is the source of your anger.
Have you ever been blamed for making someone angry? Have you been attacked, criticized, tongue-lashed or dumped …for ‘making’ someone feel something they didn’t like? Were you really responsible for their feelings?… Read More Why conflict is scary
When my first husband and I ran into trouble in our marriage we sought out a counselor. He told us the hardest people he ever worked with were the ones who said: ‘my parents never fought.’ Um, well, that would be me. My parents never fought … at least ‘not in front of the kids’.… Read More Conflict’s Gift
The Hidden Function in Dysfunction
We tend to view illnesses as dysfunctions that cause us pain and should, therefore, be gotten rid of as quickly as possible. But what if their real function is not to cause pain but to help us avoid pain? What if they are strategies for bypassing or managing deeper pains than… Read More On Healing: Functional Dysfunctions?
If I had a daughter I’d want her to know
she is valuable
she is good
she is likeable
she deserves to be happy
she can have what she wants.
I’d want her to believe
that there are ways to get what she desires,
to have experiences that uplift her.
Her happiness matters to me.
It makes me happy.
If I had a daughter I’d want… Read More If I had a daughter
Bruce Muzik’s Ted Talk got to me. What’s your deepest, darkest fear…. the thing you desperately don’t want anyone to discover? Mine, if I’m honest, is this: I’m terribly, secretly, afraid that I’ll be discovered to be useless. I’m afraid that it’ll be found out that everything I hold dear, that I strive to share… Read More The rightness of being wrong
When you experience a health issue, a challenging relationship, or a traumatic event, it is natural to ask “Why is this happening?” This can be a dangerous question.
There are two ways to ask the ‘why’ question. One is to ask: “why is this happening to me?” The other is: “why is this happening for me?”
The… Read More When ‘why?’ is a dangerous question
“Trying hard not to feel broken by men in power.” Words of a friend – a beautiful, powerful, accomplished friend. Words that cut close to home. Words that speak to a deep, shared human story: the struggle to feel valued. Trying hard not to feel broken by men in power….
But, where exactly are these ‘men… Read More broken by men in power?
We drove the road. We hiked the trial. We knelt beneath the tree where you sat before slipping away. What courage it must have taken for you to make your exit. I honor you for that.
When I first heard the news I was shocked, then sad, then glad and mad. But you, my friend, were… Read More On suicide and sadness – a perspective
In the end, all anger at others is anger at ourselves. The person we blame for our pain is never the cause of it. It’s our own unresolved anger at ourselves that makes us uncomfortable in the presence of the person we’re blaming. Anger is the indicator of our own deep, inner pain that arises… Read More Reflective anger?
One of the most successful entrepreneurs and iconic philanthropists, Sir Richard Branson, attributes his personal and business success to 4 key things: Staying healthy; being good with people; being certain that his businesses and humanitarian efforts add real value to people’s lives; and having fun!
Of these 4 things he says his # 1 lesson regarding… Read More Richard Branson’s #1 Tip for Success: Be great with people!
I grabbed her hair and yanked it hard. She reeled out of her seat and lunged for me. Bitch slaps and karate blocks. A hefty shove and victorious shrug. Mine. Elegant, of course. The stunned audience applauds ….
Such was my fantasy last night at a Keb Mo concert at the hoity toity Villar Center, Beaver… Read More Bitch slap. Miserable Cows.
I have just been listening to a marketing webinar in which the audience was instructed to do 3 things:
1- think of the most difficult challenges they’ve gone through,
2- describe the greatest lessons learned through those struggles,
3- and identify who would most love to hear what you know
These immediately popped into my head: divorce, my mother’s… Read More Divorce’s gift
The greatest pains we ever feel never have anything to do with anyone other than ourselves.
The greatest pains you ever feel are never caused by anyone other than yourself.
You are the cause and effect of every one of your experiences.
(I’m now taking a deep breath and waiting for your discomfort to surface ….)
I expect a… Read More The Greatest Pains
Do you know the four bed-fellows that can keep you stuck, drain your energy, and shrink your life to just what is safe, acceptable and a good deal less than exhilerating?
If you think fear is one of them, you’re close but don’t light that cigar. Fear is related to The Four. It arises from them.… Read More The Four Mess-cateers
Authenticity: it’s the new buzz word: authentic marketing, authentic selling, authentic relationships, authentic living etc etc What does it really mean to be authentic?
Popular belief: being authentic means expressing your real feelings, being up front about what you’re doing and what you want, and going for the things that feel important to you.
Feeling inauthentic arises… Read More Inauthentic authenticity
After our mother died the job of clearing out her closet fell to my sister and me. I remember looking at her rows of shoes and rack of clothes, overwhelmed by all the memories of seeing – and hearing – her in them. She had a particular way of walking that seemed to place slightly… Read More Self-love and stilettos
What do freedom, entrepreneurialism and barely dressed models have in common?They’ve all been on my mind a lot lately. You?
Here’s my reason: I’m currently producing a kick-ass, mind-stretching, money magnetizing event for sassy women who want to make a difference in the world. The see-saw of excitement and anxiety that I’m… Read More Freedom, entrepreneurialism and barely dressed models…
A well-meaning advisor asked my client: “why did you give up on your dream?” Later she told me: “I couldn’t tell him this, but it isn’t my dream.”
Why would it be hard to admit that? Well, she has two medical degrees, has spent a large part of her life and a whole lot of money… Read More Biting into authenticity – delicious!
I love Daniel Pink’s description of what happens to him when someone asks him: “what’s your passion?” He writes: “When someone poses it to me, my innards tighten. My vocabulary becomes a palette of aahs and ums. My chest wells with the urge to flee.” I laughed when I read it cos I know… Read More Pink, passion and real purpose
In January of last year (2010) I had the pleasure of meeting Angie Gullan. My brother, sister, father and I traveled to Ponto D’oro, Mozambique, to swim with wild dolphins. We were heading for a reed camp right on the beach – the home of Dolphin Encountours, Angie, her crew, and quite a number of… Read More Angie’s dolphins: could you do this?